Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
