angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
