This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
