I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
