Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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