I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
