Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
