I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
