you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
