Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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