He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
His nipple licking is glorious
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