I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
