and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
