last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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