Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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