I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
