I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
