It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
