Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
