im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
