Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
