i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
