you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
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I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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