I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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