dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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