Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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