the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Bring me that man meat
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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