It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
