I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
