you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
