you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize