i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
