you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
