Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
