I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's never too late to be topless.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
