never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
