he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
