do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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