Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
