what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
