My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
