we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
