I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
