If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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