So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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