I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
