I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
