Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
