i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
