I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she looked like the before picture.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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