As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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