none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think I died a long time ago.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
