Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We smell like vodka and hangover
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