He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
