shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
