Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
