i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
