Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
