i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
