My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
