Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
