you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
